OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
