Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
