I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
