i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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