I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
