It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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