i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
