i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
