The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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