I love black thongs
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
