Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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