quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
