i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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