pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
