11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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