Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
