I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
