I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
