I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
