i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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