My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
