a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
