awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize