ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
