I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
