Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
