First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
