You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
