P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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