Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
