i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
