I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Im part way to drunk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
