If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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