Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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