I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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