Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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