I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
