Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
