i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
