Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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