I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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