He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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