Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
