I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
