So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
