if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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