his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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