she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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