New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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