I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
