I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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