yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
