ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
