He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
