do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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