Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
