guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
