I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
