Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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