Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
