he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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