i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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