It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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