She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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