Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
